Some videos I recently put up on youtube.

Melvins!!





Triclops!!







Big Business!!

Hearts Vs. Hearts

The Music, the Science, and the Hyper-Active Heart
Current mood: inspired
Category: Music

There has come to be a kind of second wind in my life lately. Lately being about two years ago I guess. Getting out of a terrible realtionship and a family affair that just about introduced me to suicide, I finally learned to become my own. I realized what was important to me, I thrived on it, and I probably took it to far.

Music saved me. Cliched it's true. But it really did. It's been a part of my life since I was seven years old. I can remember the very first song I ever loved was a Helen Reddy tune. I wish I could remember the name of it.

The summer of 1983 I was with my mom at a garage sale and I found two tapes of bands I had heard of. Wham, and Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here". Guess what I listened to more at the age of seven? Yep, fucking Wham. Around nine years old I still had the tapes and had started to constantly play "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" over and over. Suddenly 'Wham' took a back seat. Between listening to "Wish You Were Here' over and fucking over, I had started to find other bands. Some good, some not so good. Ramones, AC/DC, the Clash. Mc Hammer. Jesus. Can't Touch This swept the nation.

When I was fourteen, my uncle Scott took me to see AC/DC live. Turning point. I was a year old AC/DC fan by then, and knew nothing of the power that was about to meet me of a live, loud, rock show. I remember hearing Sin City and asking him "What song is this"? I had only known Brian Johnson. Finding Bon Scott and the original AC/DC blew me away and started my quest on obbsssion with bands and their history.

Junior High found me still loving AC/DC, and being introduced to Metallica, Judas Priest, Scorpions, Kiss, UFO, T. Rex, Thin Lizzy, and countless others. I remember this time of school being a haven for bands like "The Human League, Bon Jovi, and Def Leapord. They bored me to tears. Something loud, interesting, and unusual took hold.

My junior year of high school is when I found the light. Besides having already been introduced to the likes of the Who, Hendrix, the Doors, Cream, and the Sonics. I had ventured much farther into the Pink Foyd catalog as well. But then the big break came in the early 90's

The Melvins. My friend Benn first turned me onto them. Bullhead was my first Melvins album. A total noise-riff mind fuck that made everything else seem so standard. Nothing I'd ever heard before. Beauty, melodies that crushed, and feedback that made sense. The first band that ever used vocals like an instrument. Everything fit. Everything finally congealed for me. And to top it off, a band that was from my own town! Benn had also at this point started a band called 'No Talent'. The best band in town bar none. Heavy, and full of melody, Benn was a songsmith from the get go. I had the pleasure of watching probably hundreds of No Talent shows throughout high school. They even opened up for the Melvins a few times when we were all in 9th grade. I still have a recording of their set from the RCKCNDY, and listen to it often.

The Melvins became a love for Nirvana. Nirvana became a love for Sonic Youth. Sonic Youth became a love for Dino Jr. And on and on. Suddenly, a shitload of bands I never knew, but had been around forever began popping up. Melvins, Nirvava, Sonic Youth, Dino Jr, Jesus Lizard, Tad, Gruntruck, Alice In Chains, Mudhoney, Fugazi, Skinyard, Coffin Break, The Minuetmen, Poison Idea, Green River, Dead Moon, Earth, and a fountain of others that I was so close to, but so far away from. The introduction of the Melvins into my life really brought me into the future of music. This finding of these bands led to me studying hem, and finding their influnces. The Wipers, The Descendants, Sex Pistols, The Damned, X, TSOL, Agent Orange, and so many others. Kiss, Judas Priest, the Who, and Rush already were on my radar, but they were influences too.

Around my senior year, and the few following years, I branched out. I found the Butthole Surfers, the Flaming Lips, and Ween. Three bands that have taken up far to much of my time and money. Music never seemed to stop growing. Finding new music and bands became an obsession. In 1993 and 1994 I travelled to many a show and skipped a day of school my senior year to see Nirvana, the Melvins, and the Breeders in Salem, Oregon. I went with my best friend Martin, and we left around noon time to get down for the show. I remember getting in, and walking around the lobby area and Dale coming up to us and saying hi. We were the only people there to have on Melvins shirts. He chatted with us for about ten minutes, and then left to go get ready. This show was a defining moment in my life. I was up front all night. The Melvins were not as appreciated as they should have been, and Nirvana was just coming off of recording and releasing In Utero. I walked out of the Salem Armory with a knot on my head courtesy of a Doc Martin to the noggin, and a bite mark in my forehead from a crowdsurfer. All acidental, but all painful and fun.

Since 1994, I have expanded rapidly. The Melvnis obsession still holds true, and I've managed to find bands in the last 14 years that continue to amaze me. I know 1994 till now is a long stretch, but I've seen so much that I can't explain. L7 blew me away. Babes In Toyland were amazing. Sonic Youth live still makes my skin stretch.

In the last few years I've seen newer bands like Brothers of the Sonic Cloth, Harvey Milk, Boris, Torche, Big Business, Triclops, and so many others. Most of these bands have been around for so many years, but I've finally taken notice of them. I'm only 32 years old, and I feel like I haven't seen shit yet. Hundreds of bands, hundreds of venues, hundreds of concerts, and I'm convinced I still haven't scratched the surface. I plan on continueing to travel to see my favorites, buying what I can to remind me of what I love, and always appreciating what I've had so far. Music is blood. I give some and I take a lot. Thankfully there are many donors out there.

More to come......

Ryan

The latest

Damn, it's been so good it shouldn't be......

In the last week I flew down to San Francisco, and saw the Melvins, Drunk Injuns, Los something or another, Akimbo, Triclops, The Axis of Merry Evildoers, and the Jelvins,. I taped everything. I got to meet and talk to Adam Jones from Tool. I met Buzz. Very friendly, though he was busy. Met Dale. Such a cool guy. Took time to talk outside the venue during a smoke break, even while a crazy San Fran hobo talked to us about how the Lakers were going to fuck up game six. Which they did. Drank and hung out withy Smellis, David, Grim, Grims bro, Dillard, Senor Ramone, and Tim. Tim was the gatekeeper from the GAMH who was cool enough to allow me in to film on Tuesday night when the bosses at the front door told me no film, no photo's. I got lucky. He saw me at the front argueing with the personal and he told them it was ok for me to film. Thanks man.

Check out Triclops. Great music.

I got to hang with Greg ( Cheeseburger ) for two days in a row at his place of business. He treated me better than any girlfriend I ever had! :) We shall meet again.

Thanks to David and Smellis for letting me sleep in the closet of their hotel room. Best cramped quarters I could have hoped for. So worth it.

I'm so tired. It's time to stop thinbking of thanks and time to crash. I fogot so much. Your a good crowd. Goodnight.

Krankheit

Möglicherweise eine andere Zeit und Datum. Ein anderer Tag, nicht so spät, eine andere Demenz, für uns beide. Diese Musik lässt mich weit und weit reisen wünschen, schrittweisee, durch Ihre Seite. Diese Dämmerung hebt mich in Richtung zu Ihrem Herzen an, holt mich ab, brennt mich getrennt durch. Ihre Augen und meine stoßen zusammen, Abschluss Gedanken, in den geraden Geraden. Love' Krankheit S.-A., es gibt keine Heilung. Ausgenommen Tod, wenn Lieben rein.

Sickness

Perhaps another time and date.
Another day, not so late,
a different dementia, for us both.


This music makes me want to travel far and wide,
step by step, by your side.
This dawn lifts me towards your heart,
picks me up, blows me apart.

Your eyes and mine collide,
completing thoughts,
in straight lines.

Love's a disease,
there is no cure.

Except death,
when loves pure.

The New Death of Old Times

I'd like to think that the new death of old times has come. The shit luck has run it's course, and the dawn of "my" normality has come back. The sun came up again this morning, like I always expect it to. I just don't think that I've expected to see it. Or wanted to.

Now I do.

But, there's a lot of time left.......A lot of thing left to unfold, a lot of challenges to face, and a few certain drama's to stare down. I don't know when they will rear up, but I bet it will be sooner rather than later.

But that's just something that I'll deal with. A major inconvenience that I will give massive attention. And hope that I am strong enough to handle.

I know I am.

But it's always different when your facing it.

Cushions

I've noticed, that since I've started communicating to outer space on this typey rectangle, I've been nothing but a negative soul. Nothing but bitching. Well, what I've had to say is true. I do wonder why certain things have and haven't happened, but I think that if this was the only thing that people had to compare to ME, then it would be way off base. I'm not normally a remorseful, bitter, angry, sad person. I just happen to do most of my writing while drinking, and conversely, I do most of my thinking while drinking, and more so, I speak/type more freely while drunk. I have been hurt, burned, and left out to dry by people in my life. But who hasn't? I really do have a good outlook on life, and maybe I need to convey that more. And think that way more. Writing my hurt isn't a way for me to get people to feel sorry for me, it's just a way for me to vent. It's a cheap form of therapy.

I want to someday write a biography. Not because I think I'm going to be famous, or want to be famous, but I've always loved biography's, and thought a REAL biography, on some random person would be a fun read. I know, lots of biographies have been published, but it's always some super drunk, or some strung out junkie who invented a new language, or a president. I just mean a (somewhat) normal person. Much more relateable than a future president. I want to know if everyone deals with the same issues ( which I think they do, they just handle them better), or if I'm mostly alone. Has anyone else dealt with falling in love, getting married, and getting cheated on twice? Has anyone else has their step daughter accuse a close family member of molesting them, and had their life torn to pieces? Does anyone else miss somebody that they know they can never talk to again, even though they are only 15 minutes away?

It's at this time when I would usually fall into a huge self pity spiral, and write whatever popped into my head. Usually rhyming sad and mad, or some retarded junior high shit. I'm avoiding that tonight, because I've tired of it. It helps to feel sadness sometimes, but whenever I am, I get on here and let everyone know. I don't want to do that anymore. At least not every night.

I have a lot to look forward to. The Melvins shows in June in San Francisco. Big Business in early July. More Melvins shows in late July. Bumbershoot and Flatstock in late August/early September in Seattle. My pictures being published in the Kurt Cobain art book late this year.

Making enough money to afford these things that I have. Having a good job. Having ( mostly ) good family. Having the friends that I have. Those I've known for decades, and those I've known for months.

I think the hardship comes from not having anyone to share these good times with. The trips I'm making. The local shows. Laughing together at something funny or getting angry together at random everyday douchebags. Cooking with someone. Camping with someone. Riding quads, listening to music, watching a movie, sharing a different point of view.........on and on and on and on. It's a challenge most days. It's not easy. But like my folks said; "Life isn't easy. Wear a helmet".