Cushions

I've noticed, that since I've started communicating to outer space on this typey rectangle, I've been nothing but a negative soul. Nothing but bitching. Well, what I've had to say is true. I do wonder why certain things have and haven't happened, but I think that if this was the only thing that people had to compare to ME, then it would be way off base. I'm not normally a remorseful, bitter, angry, sad person. I just happen to do most of my writing while drinking, and conversely, I do most of my thinking while drinking, and more so, I speak/type more freely while drunk. I have been hurt, burned, and left out to dry by people in my life. But who hasn't? I really do have a good outlook on life, and maybe I need to convey that more. And think that way more. Writing my hurt isn't a way for me to get people to feel sorry for me, it's just a way for me to vent. It's a cheap form of therapy.

I want to someday write a biography. Not because I think I'm going to be famous, or want to be famous, but I've always loved biography's, and thought a REAL biography, on some random person would be a fun read. I know, lots of biographies have been published, but it's always some super drunk, or some strung out junkie who invented a new language, or a president. I just mean a (somewhat) normal person. Much more relateable than a future president. I want to know if everyone deals with the same issues ( which I think they do, they just handle them better), or if I'm mostly alone. Has anyone else dealt with falling in love, getting married, and getting cheated on twice? Has anyone else has their step daughter accuse a close family member of molesting them, and had their life torn to pieces? Does anyone else miss somebody that they know they can never talk to again, even though they are only 15 minutes away?

It's at this time when I would usually fall into a huge self pity spiral, and write whatever popped into my head. Usually rhyming sad and mad, or some retarded junior high shit. I'm avoiding that tonight, because I've tired of it. It helps to feel sadness sometimes, but whenever I am, I get on here and let everyone know. I don't want to do that anymore. At least not every night.

I have a lot to look forward to. The Melvins shows in June in San Francisco. Big Business in early July. More Melvins shows in late July. Bumbershoot and Flatstock in late August/early September in Seattle. My pictures being published in the Kurt Cobain art book late this year.

Making enough money to afford these things that I have. Having a good job. Having ( mostly ) good family. Having the friends that I have. Those I've known for decades, and those I've known for months.

I think the hardship comes from not having anyone to share these good times with. The trips I'm making. The local shows. Laughing together at something funny or getting angry together at random everyday douchebags. Cooking with someone. Camping with someone. Riding quads, listening to music, watching a movie, sharing a different point of view.........on and on and on and on. It's a challenge most days. It's not easy. But like my folks said; "Life isn't easy. Wear a helmet".